Well, ok, so I have been inactive on this space for a li'l while now...actually, for just about 3 weeks, but it does feel like an eternity...like a whole different lifetime ago! Let me explain myself here...the last blog I wrote was just after what was hopefully my last ever examination...truth be told, I don't believe it even as I write it, there always seems to be another one lurking right around the corner...but moving back to track, that was then. Now my marks are out, I have cleared all my exams...thank you very much...and yesterday was my last official day at college, which is something that hit me with really brutal force just now, I mean right this minute, ouch!!! So now I can say with full authority that at this point I am over-educated and officially unemployed...and I hate this feeling.
So anywayz, I really didn't mean to use this blog to wallow in self pity...like I always like to remind myself 'U make ur own destiny', a quote courtesy of the character Max (Jason Behr) from my one of my fave shows Roswell...I say one of my fave shows, since these days that list seems to be extending faster than I thought it would...I will go into details in some other post on some other day, but I think it would be safe to say that unemployment, official or otherwise, doesn't seem to be doin me any good. To take u on a flashback of all that I have achieved these past 3 weeks...oh well, brace urselves, here starts the pity party all over again, sorry 'bout that!
I have applied to a million jobs, and been rejected pretty much everywhere, even if not everyone has been kind enough to actually let me know that my application has been rejected! At a lot of places, it is 'coz I don't have a work permit, and at a few others, it is simply 'coz I do not have relevant experience, which is funny, 'coz I'll never have any, till somebody lets me have some...vicious circle! Other than that, I've stepped out of the house on exactly 4 days. I've pretty much put myself under house arrest, to be more specific, I've put myself under room-arrest! I step out to eat, do my laundry and use the bathroom, nothin more, nothin less!!! I've not had any meaningful conversation...sorry, make that any conversation, meaningful or not...that lasts for over 5 minutes with the other people in the house. Which brings me to the whole point that got me to start blogging again!
Today when I went down to see if any cooking needed to be done, I met one of my housemates...I guess that's the best description I can think of....and he started talking to me. Now when I say he started talking to me, I mean that literally, he started talking to me. If u haven't figured it out yet...which I have a strong feeling is the case...let me clarify - he did all the talking. I just stood there waiting for him to finish talking/yapping/bragging so that I could come back up and lock myself up in my room again! Well, in his defense (can't believe I'm actually defending him!) he's a 70 year old gentleman who can't help but talk about his young days, which is pretty much the only conversation the two of us can have...atleast, that's what he thinks! He likes to lecture me a bit, and I'm too polite to rudely interrupt him, so I just keep smiling, nodding, and rolling my eyes, looking away and digging my nails into my hand to vent out my frustration, while I mentally keep telling him to shut up!
Well, so after another 20 minute conversation, if u can call it that, I came back up to my room, and got back to my lappy. Fortunately, one of my friends was online, so I bitched about uncle to him for a few minutes, we reminisced about good 'ole days for a few minutes, and u know, generally chatted away for a little while. After we had both gone quiet for sometime, and after I had finished watching the show that I was watching at that time, I just generally sat down, and started thinking about this whole incident...and it made me realize what an anti-social person I had become! Back home, I was one of the most chatty people. I loved talking (notice the use of past tense here!), I could talk to a wall, and I think I've even done that on a couple of occasions! I would be out the whole day, hanging out with friends, and if by any stroke of misfortune I was stuck indoors, I would yak with a couple of my closest friends over the phone for hours together on a regular basis. And believe me, we could discuss absolutely anything over the phone...starting from last nite's dream to work, mutual friends, even the outfit that a complete stranger could have been wearing 2 days ago...anything!
Now, I have changed so much that even I find it hard to believe myself. I've become completely self-absorbed...which I think is obvious from this blog! I don't meet people, talk to anyone, chat with anyone...I'm pretty much off everyone's radar these days. Who knew living alone could do this to you. The point I've been trying to make all along boils down simply to this...u make ur own destiny! I have nobody to blame for my current self-imposed misery...what goes around, comes around, right?! I haven't stayed in touch with a lot of my friends, and they in turn, haven't stayed in touch with me...so in these dying moments of August 1, 2010, here's wishing all my friends over all these years a very Happy Friendship Day! Stay in touch...I wanna go back to being the chatterbox!
